by Bea Macatangay
Being part of the youth made me closer to God and motivated me in inspiring other fellow youth in listening and understanding the word of God. It opened my eyes to what God did and can do with His unending love for us. I learned how to interact with other people and how to awaken the Christ in me.
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I am Ceska Marie Apalla or commonly known as Iska. I have been serving The Feast-Cebu for 2 years and on November will be my 3rd. Personally, I am grateful for the Light of Jesus Family for they have really touched, changed and inspired me. Even up until now , I'm more than "super blessed"( beyond superlative) because of the love, understanding, sincerity and trust they have shown me especially during CG's.
CG (Connect Group) is a gathering where you and your fellow servants share stories, experiences, and blessings to one another. And for me, this has been and will always be my favorite gathering because years back then, I would avoid sharing my life story to anyone or to someone whom I had known for a long time because I was so ashamed of how they would think of my family or to how they would picture them. Honestly, I was so afraid that people might judge me and my parents especially my father. Before, it was hard for me to mention my father's name, job, whereabouts or anything that is related to him because I knew everybody would ask me so many questions that would only make all things complicated and sometimes, what breaks my heart the most is when they mention their experiences with their fathers and I could not relate. I envy my friends because their families are complete. I envy my friends because they have their fathers beside them. Those were the two things that ate my entire being as a person, a lady and a child because I have seen a set of standards of how a father should be but then, mine was different . It was hard for me to face all the challenges I had with my family especially with my father because whenever I share bits or complaints about him, my friends would think that he is an irresponsible father compared to theirs which made my load heavier because I would rather keep the bad experiences I had with him than listen to the negative comments that my friends would give. Yes, when I say experiences those were the vices and the wrongdoings he had made in our family.Indeed, It was really hard to carry the load because I was so afraid to tell my mother for the reason that I do not want her to worry nor be in pain. That was how frustrating and stressful my life back then, and I even had countless suicide attempts because I thought that would momentarily take all the pain away. And because of my experience, I had grown this fear of trusting people especially guys because I thought they would just be like my father who would make broken promises and speak words that would insult me. But when i started having CG, THANK GOD, I learned to share and to be open. Through the CG, I was able to express my feelings , sentiments and resentments about my family. Actually, it was my first time to cry and to be with people who were sincerely open to listen. I did not expect that they would listen to my hidden grudgess, pains and unsaid complaints about my father. AND TAKE NOTE, it was my first time to share my dark stories about my family . And these people were Keeshia and Donzki who sincerely listened to my stories without judging me, who were so open to understand me and my family's situation, and most of all, they accepted me despite of my story. Indeed, the CG helped me a lot because I never thought Keeshia and Donzki would make an effort for me by seeking help from others: Tito Buddy, Tatay Fred and Nanay Marivic who gave their best effort to help me heal the scars, to let go of the past and to move on. Through them and through God's love, I was able to realize that there are people who would love, care and trust me even if I am not biologically related to them. And now, I am able to trust more people, to embrace love without doubt, and to care with sincerity. |